As the world turns, America’s most twisted soap opera continues to draw prominent names into congress for further interrogation.

TOMORROW: I’ll Be LIVE With Jay Beecher Discussing The Curious Death of Jeff: The Truth Behind Epstein’s Final Days.

If only Keeping Up with the Epsteins were my sole focus. Unfortunately, my attention is currently divided by the glowing orbs lingering over the Pacific and the aliens circling our planetary horizon. I’m at the office working late, waiting for the nine o’clock hour when they all seem to magically appear in glowing clusters above the Pacific Ocean.

In other developments, a star-lined “Walk of Shame” appeared in Epstein’s honor a few blocks from the White House, and we finally have testimony from the Clintons.

Hillary looked amazing, I have to admit. The best she’s looked in ages, no? Dare I say rested? Looking stoic in royal blue with gold jewelry and relaxed hair, she refused to credit Ghislaine Maxwell with helping set up the Clinton Foundation—which she very much did.

Also, are we only now realizing she’s a Scorpio and Bill a Libra?

(Trump: Gemini. Epstein: Aquarius. Maxwell: Capricorn.)

When I complimented her testimony wardrobe, a woman jumped into my DMs, furiously confused.

“Sometimes I really struggle to understand you,” she wrote.

“Good,” I responded.

Some of the scenes were unintentionally hilarious. A frail-looking Bill caught looking a little too amused at the photos placed in front of him. At one point his lawyer had to pry a printout from his shaky grip. His voice, once such a big part of his charisma, is gone now. Still, the smile on his face as he flipped through the pages birthed a hundred memes. Core memories unlocked. The Ghislaine Maxwell years, I assume. His “special friend,” pictured beside him in hot tubs orchestrating back rubs. Chauntae Davies—one of Epstein’s flight attendants, the young woman with the unusual name pictured with Clinton—he admitted was a name that stuck with him.

I’m still catching up on the latest testimony, but I do appreciate that the hearings didn’t neglect pressing Hillary on UFOs and Pizzagate. She stormed off after it was revealed that Lauren Boebert—forgoing all professionalism— posted a photo of her testimony to X, and laughed nervously when the subject of “Frazzledrip” was raised.

What is Frazzledrip?

For anyone who missed that particular rabbit hole, “Frazzledrip” surfaced around 2018 with the Anthony Weiner laptop scandal. It’s a dark theory claiming a file labeled frazzled.rip—sometimes referred to as “life insurance”—contained a video allegedly found on Weiner’s laptop showing Hillary Clinton and Huma Abedin torturing a child, wearing the child’s face as a mask, and drinking blood as part of a satanic ritual.

Another wrinkle: Clinton’s longtime attorney, Cheryl Mills—supposedly there to help smooth the process—also appears in the files, offering rather flattering remarks about Ghislaine… to Ghislaine.

As of today, it appears Howard Lutnick and Pam Bondi may soon be in the hot seat as well, along with a dozen more newly approved subpoenas.

Meanwhile, Nancy Mace has emerged as the self-anointed face of this moral file-reckoning. Sporting gray streaks and clear-framed glasses, she’s adopted a studious look as leading mouthpiece demanding justice for Epstein victims. On paper, it’s an admirable role: a woman advocating for women, a survivor of abuse championing justice for the abused.

Too bad she—like the majority of those in Congress—doesn’t seem to fully grasp the labyrinth of problematic characters and motives tangled into this story, or how unstable some of the accusers can be.

Earlier today I listened to an audio clip Jay Beecher received from one particularly enraged accuser threatening the violent downfall of the country—and the president—while demanding more attention and money. It felt like the perfect metaphor for where this entire saga now sits: somewhere between a legitimate pursuit of justice and full-blown spectacle, spiraling into viral, politicized drama while lassoing famous names under oath with every passing week.

Anyway, with this cast stacking up the way it is, I’m here for it.

IAN MAXWELL’S LATEST

— The Spectator

NANCY MACE:

“The Oversight Committee, however, needs to bring in more individuals to more thoroughly continue the Epstein investigation. Here is my initial list:”

Heywood Allen (Woody)

Peter Attia

Doug Band

Stephen Kevin Bannon

Ehud Barak (foreign national)

Gwendolyn Beck

Harry Beller

Leon David Black

Richard Charles Nicholas Branson (foreign national)

Borge Brende (foreign national)

William Joseph Burns

Shawn Carter

Deepak Chopra

Maurene Comey

Alan Morton Dershowitz

Glenn Russell Dubin

Sarah Margaret Ferguson (foreign national)

Kevin Spacey Fowler

William Henry Gates III

Lesley Groff

Susan Hamblin

Reid Garrett Hoffman

Victoria Houses (foreign national)

Darren Indyke

Sarah Kellen

Richard Kahn

Tigran Khachatrian

David Seth Kotkin (also known as David Copperfield)

Terje Larsen (foreign national)

Nadia Marcinkova

Peter Mendelson

George Mitchell

Svetlana Pozhidaeva (foreign national)

David Rodgers

Kathryn H. Ruemmler

Adriana Ross

Timothy Routch

Daniel Siad

James Edward Staley

Lawrence Henry Summers

Lawrence Paul Visoski Jr.

Ted Waitt

Early Wayne

Harvey Weinstein

A formal letter and additional subpoenas forthcoming.”